Who are you?
I fucked up.
Rambunctious laughter sprinkles out and the message was clear. The locked room popped holes into the walls and a thick fog of gases and heat poured out like molasses letting the room slowly rise, a clear motive to clean up the mess. Bodies, blood and guts littered the grounds, where we were all once held together, the only thing left was me and this goddamn computer messing with me. The flashing screens and taunting messages. I didn’t expect this outcome in the slightest, yet the signs were there. Just me and my entire ego decide it’s worthless enough to try it out and hold hope to getting out.
What do you mean?
Exactly what I said, I fucked up.
The digits continue to switch from taunts to the countdown and concentrating becomes a lot harder. Thank god no one is coming for me now. Maybe next time I could wake up, and I’ll be in bed and it would all just be a nightmare. The gas starts smelling sweet, like burnt sugar and caramel. It really stands out enough to bring me out of my own dream. It was a familiar scent but my mind is unwilling to reveal what it is to me. There is less time and the heat is getting to me. I might die, no, I will die here.
Is it possible to get out?
Who knows, maybe not in my life.
There was no more time to escape. The taunting figures became a new death sentence.
“For what you have tried to do, there might be hope in humanity for you. Maybe if you didn’t try to save your friends… I would have let you go.”
Sometimes I want to look back and see why I was here. Maybe it was just meant to be, death and me. A wish of not wanting to ey so foolish rises up in me, I really did try to save everyone; didn’t I. A bell rang and I knew time’s up.
In your lifetime, it wasn’t the greatest, was it?
It really wasn’t. Not after looking back and knowing.
It was nitroglycerin.
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Dear mel
I loved this piece sooo much especially the fact that you deliberately made it very short and with held a lot of info but there was still enough content to make a story. I was dying to know how they got into the house, why everyone was dead, who was behind it all, and did the dude actually die. But sometimes its good to deliberately leave readers in the dark so they can interpret the story in their own way.
In terms of grows There where a few spelling/grammar mistakes which interrupted the flow slightly(eg; A wish of not wanting to ey so foolish rises up in me) But beside those I really loved this and I love your style and can’t wait to read your non fiction.
-Annah
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To Annah,
Thank you very much for our comment and I hope to deliver well on my non-fiction.
Thank ~nya for reading my blog.
-Melody
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Dear Melody,
This is the first time that I am reading your work, and I love it. You have a very interesting approach to the most ordinary things, which made me squint my eyes, intrigued through the entire read. Reading this was like walking through a maze, knowing exactly how to get out; the knowledge it there, but the journey is complex, with an expected surprise at every turn. Your ability to convey a story, while still being obscure is something that I aspire to have in my own writing. I also appreciated the blunt ending at the end. Your satirical elements are placed appropriately to have the desired effect.
If you would like to add anything, I feel that there should have been more comedy dialogue in the colored font. Maybe try building a conversation with the computer, dripping with sarcasm and verbal irony. I think that is an interesting element to play with since you already have such a strong voice there.
I am glad that I have gotten to know you better this semester. You have such a bright personality that draws people in, and your writing is the same. I hope you continue, and wish you luck for your future.
Nazeefa
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To Nazeefa
Thank you for your comment and I love getting to know you this semester and I am glad you found my work interesting.
Thank you for reading my blog.
-Melody
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Dear Melody,
You are one of the most interesting people I’ve met. You have your unique style of writing and dark side to you, which always manages to freak me out, and in the end you embrace who you are. Although we haven’t talked in a while now, I remember my disgusting nickname, and that is just about all the Melody I need.
Anyways, now on to the post, I feel like you have this powerful ability to make your writing dramatic and unexpected at times. The obscurity in your writing is beautiful because it creates this feeling of uncertainty in the reader. Your writing style is definitely unique and seems less flowy and more structured, which may just have been your preference.
In terms of recommendation, I would say to lengthen this post as I would like to keep reading more of your brilliant content. I would also say be wary of making your posts too obscure and choppy, although I do understand that those are stylistic elements, I feel like your next step should be experimenting with it.
All in all, I have had great pleasure in getting to know you as a person, and I hope we can stay in touch after high school.
Sincerely,
Abhay