Music choice:
Do I try to forget the moment when I could feel the breath of fresh air?
Do I try to forget the dread of home and the places I drag my hollow soul?
Is this what we call depression,
Or is it what we call the moral of the story?
Where depression is just sadness,
And we are just denying the happiness we forgot about.
Is it the breath of fresh air,
Where we seek the release of emotion oppressing us:
Anxiety,
Obsession,
And the brutality of reality.
What could suffocate us with even the mention of fitting in:
The needing of friendships,
The waves of pressure,
The break and build of never-ending sorrow.
So do we take the light over the dark,
Even when the dark looks more inviting,
Even without the cookies.
It’s the plague of our lives
like the breath, we can’t even get.
To even breathe is destroying what we have left.
To the point where I have to take the knife out of my foot
and stab it straight into my back.
Just to fight the obsession living in my brain.
Life can be an end of friendships,
The plague we seek,
And the emotional machine we’ve condense together,
As we relive all moments of life condensed into one;
Therapy.
And the addictions we live for:
Drugs,
Cigs,
Fantasy,
And the darkness of corruption people dies for.
It’s suicidal.
As death is nothing we care to seek
Instead of a momentum
It’s a drive we feel.
Can we learn to hide it when everyone just says:
“Depression has signs and I don’t think you have it”?
The words turn to a mantra
Explaining the darker parts of life
“No one is looking for you”
And this takes a toll on what others can call stable mental health.
Carefully,
It frees you from the face of the earth,
Then locks you down,
It’s the plague of our lives.
Seeded in the brain.
No way out.
No hope,
To end it all.
It can break you to wonder if:
It is just a shower of sadness,
The rejection of happiness,
They’re looking for a happy ending,
As it looks more like a fantasy than the reality you face.
It’s the pain you want to remove yourself
From what family
People got.
Decimating the falsity of home.
Do I try to forget the mention of what dread I have held in my heart?
Do I try to live up to others’ expectations when I can barely make up to mine?
Is this what we call depression?
Or is it just sadness
And is it the moral of the story people have told us to forget about
Every single time we try to dig out of our own graves?
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Dear Melody,
I love this spoken word so much! you did such an amazing job at capturing what depression feels like for some people and I really appreciate you writing this because sometimes it’s hard to explain your feelings, but you did a great job. Your performance was also done amazingly where you had your tone shift at certain times and I give you creds for doing it so well.
I’ve always loved hearing the things you write throughout the past three years, and I hope you continue to write beyond this class because its something you’re good at and enjoy.
There isn’t much room you left for improvement, and even your performance was done very well! Thank you for writing a piece like this, I hope to read more of your work in the future!
Love, Sarah <3
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To Sarah,
Thank you for your comment and compliment on my spoken word.
Thank you for reading my blog.
-Melody
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Dear Melody,
I loved this piece with every ounce of my being. You have written about something infinitely important. The way your phrases seemed to build off of each other and just get *better* as I read the piece was something I hope I can emulate. Not only was the writing amazing, but the performance of this piece is forever going to leave me in awe. You are an amazing writer and I hope you never stop writing.
My feedback for you isn’t really about the actual writing but is totally my personal preference! Just for readability possibly changing the color of the text all to a darker one would help a little, however, I totally understand if this was a stylistic choice and in that case, ignore this! 🙂
Overall Melody, this piece was so amazing and left me speechless yet again. Thank you for writing something so important and having the courage to talk about something as deep as this.
From,
Alyna 🙂
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Dear Melody
I looove this piece, how dark it is, the way you preformed it ( your pitch and tone changed, gestures,) the themes of depression and how you interpreted it. My favorite lines are “the brutality of reality”(it rhymes soo well) and “So do we take the light over the dark, when the dark side looks more inviting, even without the cookies?”(star wars references are always welcome). I also loved how you did a subtle colour fade, and emphasised words by changing the colour and text size.
For grows, Its just GUMPS, so maybe go back and re edit it a bit.
Anywho, thanks for an amazing performance of this wonderful piece.
-Savannah
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Dear Melody,
This is such a beautiful piece. I heard you read it out around three times in class and I have been astonished every single time. Your writing is so interesting to me because it is so different from what I confine myself to read. Every piece of yours I have read though, is completely out of this world by how unique and true it is to itself. I love how I am always able to hear your voice in all your work!
I noticed a few grammatical errors for example in the line,
“Is this what we call depression.”
I believe there should have been a question mark here. It’s small mistakes like this that you overlooked.
I really enjoyed reading this and loved being able to see the words flow so beautifully instead of just listening to it. Thank you for sharing your writing mind!
Sincerely,
Maira
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Dear Melody,
When I first heard/saw you perform this, I had to take a moment at your delivery of this spoken word. The way that you made your voice deeper astounded me and the entire class. Props to you. But this is such a cool piece. There are lines that I can relate to and I believe that that is one of the most important things when it comes to writing – to have your audience build a connection with your work. I loved the line: “Is this what we call depression, / Or is it what we call the moral of the story?” That is such a nice line.
No feedback because I know this was rehearsed to perfection.
I love your work!
Sincerely,
Tina